So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
