You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
