the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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