My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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