Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
