It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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