there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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