I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
