So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
