Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
