If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
