overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
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