Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
She's just so happy...and so naked.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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