my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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