I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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