i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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