wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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