There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Sorry about my life...
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
