i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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