I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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