I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
