On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
