I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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