We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
