It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
