Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I wish there were birth control emojis
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
