i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
