WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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