I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
