Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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