I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
