'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
