If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
My bed smells like the plague
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
