Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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