Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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