I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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