Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
