these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I could make wine with my vomit
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
