If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
