I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
