Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
