areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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