Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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