i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
She announced her abortion via fbk
Ketchup is God's man juice
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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