Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
