just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
MIDGETS
????
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
