I feel great
I just peed on a car
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
