I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize