never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
