Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Randomize
