I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
There's always time for handjobs
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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