dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
