just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
