Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
