Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Randomize
