hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
