And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Send help, water and tortillas.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
