If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
