My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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