the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
