No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
