im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
