I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Randomize
