Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
