We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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