so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
