you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
