How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
