Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
