the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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