Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
