Whod you bang
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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