I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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