Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
