um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Hippo gnu deer
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
