roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize