your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
