I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
