This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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