Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize