based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize