that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
In America we eat man semen.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
