Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
