While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
