sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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