Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I licked your asshole in confidence.
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