you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Randomize
