If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize