Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
