my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
