Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
my sisters under your porch take her home
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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