Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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