Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
