I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
