Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
