do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
