I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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