stop calling my apartment porn island.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize