You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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