I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
