your thong is hanging out like whoa
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
