Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
