this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
