After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
