and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
