Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
