i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
