Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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